a love/hate relationship


a practical option

Freelance writing is going, but right now I feel like a mouse on an exercise wheel. I’m writing about some things I love, sure, but I’m not cut out for hardcore journalism (sounds dirty!). I’ve never been that into interviewing, and I don’t sit down with blurry eyes and coffee in the morning to read BBC. I usually go for Storychord, dooce, The Diagram.

I’ve been bouncing around some other options in my brain for more lucrative ventures. Living with an engineer is starting to rub off on me I guess, or maybe it’s that he customizes his code in such cool colors that I think, Hey, I can do thatIt looks interesting, stimulating and intellectual; let’s give it a try! Ohh, purple keywords, I liiiiike! Are keywords even a thing in codespeak? Who knows. Not I.

This sort of “code crush” coincided with a family member asking me if I could make a website. I’m rocking WordPress, yes, but can I make a website? Can I make it from scratch? Can I figure out how to extract data from an Excel file on the web or even figure out how to link my domain name to my hosting service? Can I? Of course I can! So, as I’m scrunching my face and googling “how to blahblahblah” (and wondering what the hell I should even start with), I say to my smartypants engineer boyfriend, “Um, I don’t even know where to start? I don’t know what to google…”

And he of infinite answers says, “Try AcademicEarth.org. They may have free lectures on web design.” And lo and behold: free lectures on building dynamic websites, from a Harvard professor no less. So it gets real.

After watching one lecture (just under two hours in length), I know much more about the web than I really ever did. But I still can’t make a website. I don’t know that I’ve ever been patient in learning a craft, but I’m fairly certain patience will become my best friend if this website-designing thing is really going to pan out. I realize that I’m lucky to have the time to watch such long, involved lectures, and I also realize that you don’t learn anything unless you really want to. The hardest part will be to stop daydreaming of being a website developer, and to start biting away at all the things I need to learn.

Step one: Find out what these elusive acronym-like names mean. PHP, XML, SQL, Ajax. Brain freeze!

Step two: Eat the elephant.

Okay, universe. I put it out there. Now I must hold myself to it.


waving the white flag

As a freelancer, I find money to be tight most of the time. I quit my job as a legal assistant in the summer of 2009 to fully pursue freelance writing. I’ve gained a few gigs since then, but it seems that my finances are dwindling down to the wire.

So I’ve faced the music and decided it’s time to get a job. Even if I have to be an assistant again. Even if I’m an assistant in a place that offers me no upward mobility. Even if I’m making a measly hourly wage. It must be done.

And now I’m raising the white flag, waving it around in hopes to find a crappy, meaningless, bill-paying job. I would actually be happy waking up at 7 a.m., making lunch, getting to work, having tasks to complete, having people to talk to, and earning a paycheck. One where the employer takes out taxes and I might be eligible for a tax refund next year.

Oh, because this year I think I owe the government. Freelancing, such a hard, scary, sexy bitch of a job.

Monkey, you are not alone!

disgruntled freelancer

In just a few days, I’ve gone through a roller coaster of emotions, mostly related to my job(s). The talented group of Hello Metro writers were let go, and oddly enough, I didn’t even receive the email stating that oh-so-sad fact. BURN! My friend and former HM Cleveland writer informed me of our day-bumming news.

I write my editor an email, confirming the news and wondering why I wasn’t included in the first place. Maybe all the writers were let go except me! No, that was not the case. So getting fired is bad enough news for one day, but having to email your editor to ask if you’re fired, worse. Humiliating.

So this past week I’ve been wallowing, sulking, (drinking), rebounding, trying to pump myself up for better opportunities. I’ve also been finishing up my final articles for Hello Miami.

Including Pasha’s Healthy Mediterranean Cuisine, a restaurant I’ve eaten at several times and really like a lot. Clearly I wanted to do what I could to promote their business, even if it’s the last one I’ll get to promote for that particular publication.

As I’m walking up the steps to Pasha’s, I have my camera out and I’m snapping a few pictures. I have a sinking feeling in the tummy, one that says This won’t be the glorious finish you were hoping for.

When I enter the restaurant, it’s lunchtime, and I snap a picture of the inside. I was planning on ordering my favorite dish, too, even though I wasn’t that hungry. But uh-oh. The guy behind the counter in his white hat and white shirt looks unhappy. He’s staring at my camera like it’s a bomb.

I step up the counter and sit my camera down. He’s still afraid of it. “Miss, you cannot take photography in here, it is highly illegal.” (Obviously then I want to tell him he means “photographs” and not “photography”, but I refrain.)

“Sir, I’m doing a restaurant review. I’m taking photos to accompany my article, which is already written and very positive, I might add.” I try to smile when I say this, but it was probably closer to an animal baring its teeth.

“I cannot allow photography. For trade secrets. This is private property.” I’ve heard this before. I even worked at the Gap for a long while, where corporate did not condone photography in our stores. I understand, even though I’m furious. I mean DAMN, it’s my last article! I was fired! Cut me some slack, dude! But I cannot break down in front of this man, will not break down in front of twenty business people eating kebabs and wearing heels and pencil skirts.

“I understand. I will just put in my article that I was not allowed to take pictures.” Lie. I won’t even have the balls to do that. “I’m going to take photos of the outdoor area.”

“No no no. That is private property, too. If you’d like, you can go across the street and take pictures there.”

Play detective? No thank you. I’ll just use the photos I already have. Arrest me? Fine, at least I’ll get fed in prison. I hear they have good food.