a love/hate relationship

and it begins

I am a recent college graduate from a state school who cake-walked through most of my academia. It’s not that I didn’t try, it’s just that I didn’t have to try very hard to do well, if you know what I mean.

As an English writing/journalism major, I was caught in the middle of two disciplines. My studies in English taught me to express myself, and my journalism studies taught me that the expression I valued so highly was simply editorializing, which was not ideal.

There was not much talk of life after college, of career goals or roads to take to make them happen. My senior project was a sonnet sequence based on James Wright’s sonnet Saint Judas. Here’s one of them:

Our Last Meeting

My name, my number, how my day began,
were unimportant. Sitting on the end
of grandpa’s bed, I listened to the fan
and felt its breeze. I wanted to extend

the moment, take in all the smells and all
the words that crawled like caterpillars from
his lips. I held my breath; I swear the walls
moved in on us. I willed the words to come.

And then he said, “You daddy thinks I’m mean
to people, but I’m not.” His hands were sheer
as butterflies but wired like machines.
I held them so they couldn’t disappear.

And even when he died, I couldn’t say
the words that clogged my throat then slipped away.

And what did I learn from that? I learned how to write a sonnet. (Did I mention I’m a sucker for form poetry? Well, I am slightly a nerd that way.) I really do love writing sonnets. Especially ones that trick you into thinking they aren’t sonnets. For instance, here’s a Kim Addonizio sonnet I love from her collection What Is This Thing Called Love:

Stolen Moments

What happened, happened once. So now it’s best
in memoryan orange he sliced: the skin
unbroken, then the knife, the chilled wedge
lifted to my mouth, his mouth, the thin
membrane between us, the exquisite orange,
tongue, orange, my nakedness and his,
the way he pushed me up against the fridge
Now I get to feel his hands again, the kiss
that didn’t last, but sent some neural twin
flashing wildly through the cortex. Love’s
merciless, the way it travels in
and keeps emitting light. Beside the stove
we ate an orange. And there were purple flowers
on the table. And we still had hours.

Ahh, Kim. So I digress with the poetry, but I’ve found my way again. I was rambling to get to this. Who in their right mind would pay me to write sonnets? Sonnets cannot pay my rent, sestinas will not buy food, and heroic couplets can’t pay my parking tickets.

That’s all for now. Thanks for reading my rambling.

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One response

  1. yes yes yes yes

    October 29, 2009 at 3:43 am

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